I Play Stuff

This preview can be found in its original format here.

My dearest,

I did a terrible thing. It was earlier in the week, you were at a friend’s house; I was a little tipsy and lonely. I know alcohol isn’t an excuse but I keep coming back to it. I keep saying it to myself, “it was the alcohol… the alcohol… the alcohol…” I know I just need to admit it to myself as much as I need to come clean to you, so here goes.

I cheated on you, my precious Xbox live account. I’m sorry, baby. I can change.

Who with? Will that really help you understand this? It’s not relev- okay, okay. I’m the one that messed up, you get to dictate how this goes. I’ll tell you everything you want to know, if it’ll help you understand.

She’s North American. It was a one time thing. She had something I wanted and you weren’t willing to give it to me. I thought I could deal with it but when I got a drink in me I thought “to hell with it, why can’t I?” We’ve been together for, oh, four years but to be fair, we never really agreed I couldn’t have another account, did we?

No, you’re right I’m trailing off. What did she have you didn’t? Well, it’s sort of taboo here, that’s why I had to go to her. Alright, I’ll spit it out. It was a demo for Catherine.

Catherine is an adult-anime-horror-puzzle-dating-sim-type-thing that puts you in the shoes of Vincent, a 32 year old man who is afraid of committing to his long term girlfriend, Katherine. From what little of the game I played, I gathered that Katherine is horrible. If we were watching a romantic comedy, she would be the bridezilla that you hope the male lead will escape from to be with the girl of his dreams yadda yadda yadda. Saying that, Vincent is virtually impossible to feel any sympathy for either. He comes off as a pathetic man who is too spineless to either take the relationship to where Katherine needs it to be, or end it. He’s coasting and I hate him for it. I only hope that through the game, I can find a redeemable feature in him.

Meanwhile, there is mystery surrounding young men dying in their sleep. Oh my, I wonder if this is relevant to the plot of the game… Wait, I think it must be, as Vincent has been having nightmares. In these nightmares, he is chased by a giant ghastly woman who wants to fork him. By which, I mean stab him with a fork. I’m not sure if that’s supposed to be a subtle metaphor. I’m going to go out on a limb and say… yes. Yes, it is.

The nightmares are where the actual “game” part takes place. The idea is you have to pull blocks around to create a method of reaching a door at the top of the level before the horrible forking woman forks you. On an unrelated note, I’m positive Vincent calls her Katherine. What I take from that is as follows: Vincent really dislikes Katherine and wants to, get this, escape from her.

The puzzling is fun and brutally tough in places. You have to make decisions quickly and the pressure is really felt as blocks are torn away from under you by giant fork lady. There’s not really much else to say about the core gameplay. It’s simple, challenging and addictive.

During the waking hours, I didn’t get to do much in the demo but there is an interesting mechanic by which you can impact relationships with other characters by sending text messages. The formula for this sees Vincent type out a line; you decide if he should try a different line. Once you decide, he types another line and, with your guidance, sends the composed message. I quite enjoyed agonising over just how my text would change my relationship to the recipient.

After a few gameplay segments and a whole bunch of anime video, we come to the inevitable point at which the demo tries to establish a hook. What’s drama without conflict, right? Vincent is in a bar, contemplating the pressure to get married, when he meets Catherine. She is a younger woman that apparently is exactly Vincent’s type. They get on swimmingly. Vincent wakes up beside her, freaks out, and that’s where the demo ends.

The game is very much intended for adults in difficulty as much as content. I’m not sure just how explicit the game is but a highlights video at the end of the demo, there was some definite crotch grabbing. It’s maybe best to keep this one away from the kids even though I’m positive the European release will be significantly toned down.

Catherine is already out in North America and Japan. A European release is scheduled for October 28th.